I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
