Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
