you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
