I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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