Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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