"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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