you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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