Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize