I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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