Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
