Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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