there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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