Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
