mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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