but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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