i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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