The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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