you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
