This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
