I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
