i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
