if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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