my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
