he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
