i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
