It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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