If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
