I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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