he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
