Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
