just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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