I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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