i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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