just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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