Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
