What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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