They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
