Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
