I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
