I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
