Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
