im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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