a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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