Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
