When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
