You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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