So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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