If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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