a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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