Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
