whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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