Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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