Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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