Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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