called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
