Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
