You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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