I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
