Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have aggressive nipples.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
