Your dad touched me again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
