This girl is more easily done than said...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
