I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
People in love make me want to vomit
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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