Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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