I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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