Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
