Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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