when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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