you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She said her name was "party"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we're making bets on your personal life
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
