I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
