I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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