yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
