would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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