My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
