maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
