i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
