i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize