yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
