I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
