well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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