I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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