Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
