wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
