Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
