He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
