you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can text with my tongue
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
