We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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