What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
