Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
