I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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