Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
