So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
