We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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