I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize