I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
