He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize