So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
