Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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