I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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