I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
should my penis look like a turkey
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
