This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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