i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
