onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
