Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
