its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's great music for shaving your balls
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wish there were birth control emojis
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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